Firstly, sorry Mum that the title of this blog post has a swear word in it. But in my defence, there isn't really another way of summarising what I wanted to talk about today. My sister and I chatted about this recently and it's a topic that has been very much on my mind ever since: Confidence and not giving a flying fuck. Confidence not only in what you wear, but who you are as an individual.
Some people ask if my sister and I are twins. Although I don't think we look particularly alike, I guess we have a few of the same features, but when it comes to personality I'd say we're very much Ying and Yang. I'm pretty extroverted. Not necessarily by nature but it's who I've grown to become. Lindsey, on the other hand, although she likes to socialise would admit she can be quite introverted and a little shy. We were on the bus together when she looked me up and down and with a frown on her face, said: "So, would you wear this outfit out like normally? To work or if you were meeting friends?" I hesitated, knowing we were very much planning on shooting for my blog that day, but replied "I mean yeah, obviously.. what do you mean? Why wouldn't I?". She then made comments on my bold choice of trouser coupled with a high heel and peek of lingerie round my chest. She did like what I was wearing but struggled to understand how I had the confidence to walk out of the house in this outfit and be so self-assured and why to me, it didn't even seem like a big deal.
I like to think I'm at a place now in my life where I'm really comfortable with who I am. That's not to say I don't wish my legs were a little skinnier or that my skin was a little clearer, we all have our niggles. But I've learnt to accept these things and feel pretty self-assured at the age of 24. I'm racking my brain trying to think of a pinnacle moment where I began to have this confidence but truthfully I don't think there is one. No sad story about bullying (although I do feel it was part of my childhood) or a particular time where I looked in the mirror and felt happy. I believe growing confidence is a journey and a path I'm still very much on.
Self-sufficience and reliance is where I believe it all begins. Until you're happy on your own, your confidence probably won't be there. My family would joke that I've always been very independent. We've laughed numerous times about a story when at around 4 years old, I fell asleep in the car after a long journey home and my Dad carried me into the house. Once he put me down on the doormat I awoke. Enraged that he had made this journey into the house for me, I stamped my foot and stropped shouting the word "SELF!" before walking back outside, getting back into the car and re-strapping my seat belt. I wanted to do it on my own. I didn't want someone else to do anything for me. I had a point to prove that I could be independent and undo my seatbelt, get out of the car and go into the house myself. I couldn't tell you why at this young age I felt like this but I think it's pretty telling that I did. And I know its a silly example but I think it comes down to learning to do things for yourself and be your own person. With style, whether that means wearing that dress that still has the tags on since you bought it 3 months ago, or swapping your usual jeans for some wacky striped trousers (hi there), its about learning from the things that will take you out of your comfort zone.
2. Life Begins At The End Of Your Comfort Zone
This bring me smooooothly onto my next point. I once read "your comfort zone is your danger zone" and I couldn't agree more. As a style blogger, I always feel like I'm trying to push the boundaries with what I wear a little bit. Its about trying to come out with new and exciting ideas with styling that fuels my love for fashion. My sister (hi sorry I'm using u for a lot of writing content today, hope u don't mind) said me after we chatted about confidence, that she feels like sometimes she's looks plain Jane but she isn't inside. And hey, there's nothing necessarily wrong with being a plain Jane, but when confidence is the hurdle between you becoming who you really are or want to be, it's time to make a change.
3. Fake It Until You Make It
So I'm not saying 'faking it' in general life will do you any good. Let's face it, fake friends aren't going to be there when you need someone to talk to... and faking orgasms will only make him think he's doing something right, when actually he's really not. But having said that, faking it until you make it IS a pretty important point that can really help with not giving a fuck. I love this phrase not only because it can be used in so many situations but ALSO because it rings true. With confidence faking it until you make it more so means pretending you have confidence and before long, it will come naturally. (Unlike when you're faking an orgasm)
As confidence develops so will your trust in yourself. You learn to not care what other people think and value your own opinion higher - and that's not in a stuck-up way. With personal style, its important to not only trust your own voice but have the confidence to wear something too. It's all about experimenting and finding what you're comfortable in. Finding what makes you most feel like you. I remember how happy I was starting sixth form and being able to wear my own clothes. The luxury of being able to express myself through personal style rather than blending in and conforming to a being a clone in a uniform. Saying that, I was always pushing the boundaries with uniform at school. I hated the idea of not being able to be myself with what I wore and tried to wear black jeans instead of school trousers, cardigans instead of jumpers and any jewellery I could stand out a little with. Most of the time however, this lead to detentions or a stern word about my uniform with a teacher. But I didn't really care, I felt like I just needed to express myself.
This is where I think my interest (perhaps obsession) with fashion really began. I treated everyday as a new opportunity to experiment with my style and wear something cool and different. I was working two jobs at the time to fuel my clothing habit
if you're not a plain jane
5. Building Up A Thicker Skin
When you're doing something different or look a little different with your style, people are always going to make comments. Good or bad, people will talk. Do you think Miley Cyrus gave a flying fuck when she went through her crazy twerking phase? NO. And for the record Miley - I loved you then just like I love you now! Its about building a thicker skin that will give you resilience to people's negative comments or opinions and as long as you surround yourself with people who support you - you're all good.
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